Naomi's Heaven Day

I have thought a lot about what I would post on this day. I know I need to post something since this can never again be a normal day to me anymore. This is after all the day my baby Naomi Ruth Tennant left this life and graduated into the eternities. I wonder what life would have been like if she had lived. I know I wouldn't know what I know now if she had, but I still wonder. Wondering this doesn't keep me from being happy now. I do know that I wouldn't be normal if I didn't wonder this. Some times I do wonder though, if those who have passed on miss those they have left behind. Does Naomi miss me, her siblings her daddy? Does she wonder about the life she didn't have here with us? Maybe, maybe not. I know she has an eternal view on these things way beyond my understanding here on earth. But it doesn't stop me from wondering just the same if she misses us here. I guess if she does, she can always come and visit. We just don't always know she's here. I like to think of her as our guardian Angel, always watching over us. She there, she's alway there.

I also think of this time of year, being the Christmas season and all. Without the birth of Christ, there would be no way for us to return to our Heavenly Father and in turn, no way to see our loved ones again like Naomi. I am extremely grateful for Christ's birth and atonement, making it possible to see Naomi again. This alone gives me reason to go on living and to be happy. One day I will have my time with her. To raise her and see her grow. Though it seems like a long time in some ways, I know in other ways, the time will go quickly. After all to God, time is very short. So what is years to us, is only minutes to God. So while I will miss Naomi for all time, I know I won't have to miss her for eternity. For in the eternity, I will be with her again.

Reflection on Naomi's birthday

This would have been Naomi Ruth Tennant's 4th birthday. As I reflect on the meaning of this day, I decided to write what I have learned from the experience of her life and Death.

1. Life is too short to take anything or anyone for granted. You never know how long they will be here.
2. One baby can touch so many lives in just 5 weeks time. There wasn't a family member or friend I know that wasn't touched in a positive way by her, both before and after she died. In that way to me, she was missed by all that knew her or should have known her.
3. Smiles are worth a thousand words. I learned through Naomi, smiles mean I love you.
4. The Atonement is real. It is not just for the sinner or the sinned against but for those that morn for any reason. In my case, it was for morning the lose of Naomi. I know if it wasn't for Christ's atonement their would be no resurrection and no eternal families. Because of Christ's atonement, I will have the chance to raise my baby. For this I am forever Grateful.
5. Through her life I learned what true love is. That love between a mother and child is very strong. I learned it is strong on the part of the baby as well as the mother.
6. I learned after her passing how many friends and family truly know what it means to morn with those that morn. Even now, I feel them wrap their arms around me in my time or sorrow and morning.
7. Grief doesn't just come and then go. It is more like an onion in which we are constantly peeling back the layers. It evolves with time.
8. I have also learned that time alone doesn't heal all wounds. To me it took Time, God and Love to heal this wound.
9. With both Naomi's life and Death, I learned that God is in control. She was born at the right time and place. Whether I want to admit it or not the same is true of her passing.
10. Children are still ours whether in this life in the here and now, or in the next life in the world to come. This has been my biggest comfort. She is forever mine. This means to me, I have 4 children.
11. All experiences are for our understanding and growth. Even if that means I still don't completely understand, someday I will. And not understanding all the reasons for the passing of Naomi is fine. Not understanding in some ways makes my faith grow stronger. I want to go on in faith knowing that someday all will be put right again.
12. I also learned to hug and kiss the children I still have here with me. You can never hug and kiss loved ones too much. Regret comes from not doing it enough. For me this would be the worst kind of regret.
13. There will never come a time until I die, that I won't miss her. I have finally come to realize that is OK. Like I said earlier, Grief never ends in this life.
14. Happiness can come again even in times of Grief. I learned that happiness was up to me. It was OK to be happy again, even with her gone. It is not the same kind of happiness as it was before her passing. It has evolved into something entirely different. Like a butterfly evolves from a Caterpillar. And yes I am happy now.
15. God never leaves us comfort less. I learned this before and after she died. One of the times I learned this is shortly after she was born Melissa Curtis offered to take my oldest kids for a while. I so enjoyed being alone with Naomi and rocking her to sleep. I also found comfort after her death from Naomi herself. I felt her near during my hardest times.
16. I feel each trial gives us empathy to help others. Through my experience, I was able to help other mothers in their time of grief. I helped form a Infant loss support group. I learned the real meaning behind the phase "A joy shared increases, a sorrow shared divides." Morning with those that morn is so needed in this world.

So to summarize, even though I miss my baby Naomi so much, and wish in some ways she had lived, I wouldn't trade the lessons I learned through her life and death for anything. It has truly edified me in ways nothing else could. I Still love my Angel Baby Naomi Ruth Tennant.

I just miss Naomi

Like Ken, I too have to acknowledge how difficult this day is for me. When I think about this day three years ago, I just want to cry. No one thinks that they will ever lose their baby to SIDS(sudden infant death syndrome.) Though I feel peace at times knowing that I will see my baby again, on days like this I am reminded that knowing where she is, does not take away the pain of losing her.

I still get mad at God. Not as often but I still do from time to time. I still ask why did she die. I miss her more then life itself. And the worse thing is nothing in this life will make this kind of pain go away. Not a day goes by that I don't think of her and wish that she had lived. Overall I am happy. However I still think I have a right to be sad or blue on such a day as this. I just plain miss my Angel Baby Naomi Ruth Tennant.

Ken's Thoughts on Naomi's Heaven Day!

Three years ago today...my wife and I were in the hospital in a private room with my mom and sister, a nurse, and the unknown fear that we had just lost our five-and-a-half- week-old daughter. With tears streaming down our face, hugs that offered very little comfort, the gloom began to sink in on the loss of Naomi Ruth.

I would have thought that after three years, this memory would not be so painful, but for this year, this is not the case. It seemed that last year was not as bad, but this morning it feels different and I cannot help but think that this will NOT be the last time. Arrrrrrgh! Why? Why? Why? No earthly answer can be given...I just have to wait...that sucks!!!

A Letter to Naomi

It has been 3 years since I gave birth to my Angel baby Naomi Ruth Tennant. I thought to commemorate the occasion I would write a letter to her in my journal. Here it goes.

Dear Naomi Ruth Tennant

It is hard for me to believe at times that it has actually been 3 years since you blessed us with your presence. I was so excited to find out I was pregnant with you on the 4th of March 2006. It had been such a long time since I had a baby. I had planned on naming you Naomi since your Grandma Robbins died a year prior to my getting pregnant with you. Naomi was your great Grandma Robbins' name. Naming you Naomi was my way of dealing with the loss of my Grandma. Just knowing I was finally pregnant with you brought so much happiness into my life. I couldn't wait to tell everyone I knew about your coming. Your due date was the 4th of November. It seemed the longest wait of my life. I knew you were a girl as soon as I knew I was pregnant with you. I found out on the 24th of June 2006. There wasn't a single person that I told about the news of your coming arrival that wasn't also happy for your coming. Later in the summer as your daddy and I prepared for your birth, we realized that we wanted to have a home birth. We took a Bradley Method class and we learned that this would be the best way to bring you into the world. We later, after much searching, found a midwife that fit our needs and expectations. I was so excited to give birth to you at home. We chose to have a water birth.

On November 6th 2006 I went into labor with you late that night. My labor with you was long and hard. With the help of your Daddy and my midwife, Michele Bartlett, I made it through. Finally at 2:28 pm on the 7th of November, you came into the world. I still remember when your daddy brought you out of the water. Your little tongue curled and your lips quivered. You were so cute. I was so excited to finally have you in my arms. I felt the most happy I had ever felt in my life. My recovery after giving birth to you was very relaxed. I enjoyed being in my own home. You were so cute. You weighed 7 pounds 15 ounces. Your daddy and I experienced the happiest five and a half weeks after your birth. It was so fun to see you grow during that time. I loved holding you in my arms while you fell asleep there. I wonder before you left us if life could possibly get any better. I was so happy.

Christmas and the excitement that went with it was added to the excitement of having you that following December. After you turned one month old you started to smile at me. I knew then that you loved me and you knew that I was taking good care of you as your mother. Your brother, Christopher, and sister, Angela, loved holding you. They adored you, their baby sister. Life seemed complete with you in our lives. You started to babble shortly after you turned one month old. You were such a sweet baby. I enjoyed soothing you when you were fussy. Your daddy so enjoyed rocking you to sleep at night. We didn’t complain much when you woke us up at night. We enjoyed our time with you, not knowing at the time it would be so short.

Then the awful day came when Heavenly Father called you home on the 16th of December 2006. It broke my heart to lose you. We found out that you had died of SIDS (sudden infant death syndrome). For months afterward it caused me much sorrow. I didn’t know how to go on with my life without you in it. My arms ached to hold you. With the passage of time and the arrival of your sister, Kirsten, nineteen months later, I have found reasons to be happy again, though; it is not the same kind of happiness as it was after your birth. I do love my life and your siblings, but you should know that not a day goes by that I don’t think of you. All the love I would have given you the (kisses and hugs) I now give to your siblings. When I see your baby sister, Kirsten, playing, laughing, and babbling, I think of all that I have missed with you, but I also look forward to someday having this time with you in the millennium to raise you there. In the mean time I will continue giving hugs and kisses to Angela, Christopher, and Kirsten; those same hugs that I would have given to you if you had lived. Please know that I love you so much.

Your mother, always.