This is now my life

I was in a wreck on January 8th 2014. It's weird to think it has been 3 months and 2 days. For those who didn't know, the wreck left me with a spinal cord injury. I needed surgery to fix it and restore movement to my left leg and left arm. At this point I am home doing 2/3 of what I used to do before my wreck. Yes that is good overall, but I still feel it is normal to grieve for what I have lost.

For anyone to fully understand what I have lost you'd have to know what I had before, aka my daily routine. The day before my wreck and any other day for that matter, I would wake up at 6am and do exercise with my work out video. At 6:45 I would shower, make my family breakfast and send the older 3 kids to school and Ken off to work. This left me most days with my cute 2 year old Lizzy. I would then wash some laundry, clean my room and bathrooms kitchen and living room. Depending on the day I would take Angie and Christopher to piano lessons at 4. As you all know I love to make dinner. On warm evenings I would go on a 6 lap walk around Alameda Park in Pocatello. I felt like I lived a active happy life. All these these things in my routine defined who I am and who I always wanted to be.

My routine now is just a tat different. As I briefly mentioned I suffered a spinal cord injury that left me unable to move my left leg and left arm. The surgery fixed it so I would be about to walk and use my left arm and hand. I have gone from a wheel chair to a walker to a quad cane. I can not as of yet exercise in the morning or go on walks around Alameda Park. I'm doing well if I can walk around my house with out falling. If I am doing well enough I will make breakfast but that is a hit and miss at best. Learning how to walk is a lot harder as an adult. I struggle with things like typing on the computer. My 2 middle fingers still won't separate like the rest of my fingers. That is one reason I don't leave many facebook statues. It is a struggle writing this blog post. Putting pigtails in my 2 year old is challenging. I've had a cold this week which make it that much harder to get through the day. I can't drive yet so my good husband has to take  the kids to piano lessons as well as taking me to physical Therapy 3 times a week. I will agree I have come a long way in 3 months time. But I at times have a hard time with not being able to do all of my old pre wreck routine.

I think I might suffer from PTSD. as there are times when I close my eyes I am back in my wreck. I also struggle with simple things like getting a cake pan out of a cupboard that is below my knees, or picking up my toddler and taking her to bed for a nap. It takes me twice as long as the average person to get from one room to another. I have to think about how I am walking every time. I want to be back where I was. I was told it will take a full year to be able to do what I did before my wreck. It has only been 3 months. I know it will take time, but sometimes its hard to give time time. I am trying every day and I guess that's all that matters.

I Can't Sleep

It is after midnight and I can't sleep.  I tried to log into my blog to write this, but Shani Hubbard Tennant knows that access better than me.  Because of circumstances being what they are, I cannot ask her about it.  So, I use this forum to write tonight as my mind has a lot running through it...especially after seeing a photo of what is left of the family car and counting the blessings of my wife and two-year-old who survived the crunch.

Some of those blessings came from 49+ individuals and the numbers keep growing.  When the accident happened, I had the hardest time of getting a hold of anyone outside of my mom, Cheryl, and grandma, Carolyn, because I have not made that much of an effort to keep other phone numbers of family, especially on my wife's side.

 

I finally decided to change my status to mention something in hopes that I might get a hold of family some way and that is when the blessings began to pour in.  The blessings came in comments of some 49+ individuals who saw my status and responded.  To some, 49+ might not seem like a lot, but to me that was more than what I had dreamed of when I changed my status.

 

Thank you 49+ for the comments, prayers, and thoughts made.  Because of your efforts, I cannot help but think that the continued miracles are and will continue to come throughout the night, week, and months that my wife and family will need with this experience.

Then there are the miracles of my wife and daughter.  How did they survive?  How did they not come out worse than what they did?  My daughter came out of the wreck with not a scratch on her and that is NOT the first time something like this has happened.  If you go to my blog (kstennant.blogspot.com), you will read the story of my 1 1/2  year-old daughter surviving a head dive off of a trampoline onto a concrete slab with not a scratch on her from landing.  In fact, she didn't cry because of the fall...she cried because of the fear on my face when I found her after watching her go over the edge.

Then my wife.  Yes, she needed to have surgery tonight for compressed vertebrae that could have lead to nerve damage, paralysis, and/or broken neck.  He leg also got pinched, but there are no other broken bones.  Now for the moment, that is not a comfort for her because she is recovering from surgery and the next few days she will be in a lot of pain.  However, when you look at the picture's, there is no other damage to her and I cannot help but ask how?

Well, I have an answer and it is more a personal belief than a factual answer because it depends upon if you believe in life after death and I do.  For that reason, I know that angels where guarding my wife and daughter.  There is at least a father, two grandfathers, and a daughter/sister that had to have been there, but I won't limit it to those guardian angels as I will admit that many more could have been there.

To those guardian angels I say thank you!  How much I do miss you and still wish you were alive and here, but the protection and influence that they have had on my family’s life goes beyond just life.  They fill a vital role to the successful raising of my family and I acknowledge their existence, influence, and protection over my family.

Finally, I wish my wife could read this.  In the coming days there will be a lot of what could have been done different to avoid the situation and yes when I saw the weather this morning, I had my doubts about her going.  However, my wife had a desire and it is that desire that I love the most about my wife.  She wants to help.  She wants to do good to everyone and this time, she wanted to do good to her sister, Sam, and sister-in-law, Melissa, who just recently had babies.  She wanted to bring them bread and see the new additions to the family.  She figured if she did it during the week, she would only have Lizzie to take instead of all of the kids.  So, she went...or at least made an effort to go.  A lot would not have done that, but that is what defines Shani's character.  When she sets her mind to it, she does it and I cannot fault her for having such a great desire.

This tragedy could have happened to anyone.  I could spend a lot of time asking why, but in the end it doesn't matter as much as what am I going to do about it.  This is a time for me to serve my wife greater!  This is a time for my kids to serve my wife greater!  This is a time for others to serve my family greater!  And maybe this is the reason that it has happened.

It is a time to serve in whatever capacity people can serve.  I have already mentioned how many have helped already and I am sure in the coming days I will see more of it.  I do not have time to live with what if's and if only's and that is how I want to end this posting knowing that I will have a crazy rest of the week ahead.  I cannot help but for the moment feel overwhelmed, but I do know that in Christ, my family and  I can survive...even if it is one day at a time.

Now I think that I am ready to sleep...the time is approaching 1 AM and I need to get some rest before returning to my beloved in a little while.  She wants me by her side and I will be there all the way to the end...I LOVE YOU SHANI HUBBARD TENNANT...may I always have the grace of your presence during this life and into the eternities...good night all!