This is now my life

I was in a wreck on January 8th 2014. It's weird to think it has been 3 months and 2 days. For those who didn't know, the wreck left me with a spinal cord injury. I needed surgery to fix it and restore movement to my left leg and left arm. At this point I am home doing 2/3 of what I used to do before my wreck. Yes that is good overall, but I still feel it is normal to grieve for what I have lost.

For anyone to fully understand what I have lost you'd have to know what I had before, aka my daily routine. The day before my wreck and any other day for that matter, I would wake up at 6am and do exercise with my work out video. At 6:45 I would shower, make my family breakfast and send the older 3 kids to school and Ken off to work. This left me most days with my cute 2 year old Lizzy. I would then wash some laundry, clean my room and bathrooms kitchen and living room. Depending on the day I would take Angie and Christopher to piano lessons at 4. As you all know I love to make dinner. On warm evenings I would go on a 6 lap walk around Alameda Park in Pocatello. I felt like I lived a active happy life. All these these things in my routine defined who I am and who I always wanted to be.

My routine now is just a tat different. As I briefly mentioned I suffered a spinal cord injury that left me unable to move my left leg and left arm. The surgery fixed it so I would be about to walk and use my left arm and hand. I have gone from a wheel chair to a walker to a quad cane. I can not as of yet exercise in the morning or go on walks around Alameda Park. I'm doing well if I can walk around my house with out falling. If I am doing well enough I will make breakfast but that is a hit and miss at best. Learning how to walk is a lot harder as an adult. I struggle with things like typing on the computer. My 2 middle fingers still won't separate like the rest of my fingers. That is one reason I don't leave many facebook statues. It is a struggle writing this blog post. Putting pigtails in my 2 year old is challenging. I've had a cold this week which make it that much harder to get through the day. I can't drive yet so my good husband has to take  the kids to piano lessons as well as taking me to physical Therapy 3 times a week. I will agree I have come a long way in 3 months time. But I at times have a hard time with not being able to do all of my old pre wreck routine.

I think I might suffer from PTSD. as there are times when I close my eyes I am back in my wreck. I also struggle with simple things like getting a cake pan out of a cupboard that is below my knees, or picking up my toddler and taking her to bed for a nap. It takes me twice as long as the average person to get from one room to another. I have to think about how I am walking every time. I want to be back where I was. I was told it will take a full year to be able to do what I did before my wreck. It has only been 3 months. I know it will take time, but sometimes its hard to give time time. I am trying every day and I guess that's all that matters.